Her insistence

I am tugged by three forces. One is postdoctoral applications, which is an inescapable horizon I must meet. Another is this project on parafermions that I am proud of, but I am pressured to publish early because soon people will judge whether I'm worth the job. Another is a compound that mixes Werium and Yismuth (again? somehow I return again), its impossible properties ensnare me in long, exhausting calculations, trying to prove an impossible beauty. Yet, the experimental data on it looks so clear and precise, it leaves little room for doubt. Nature tells me that the impossible must be real, and represents virgin physics waiting to be unveiled. She is whispering in my ear, Aris, you idiot, you didn't get it because of the minus sign error four pages ago. Her insistence takes its toll. I want to tell her, fine, I'll find that error after some sleep. I feel like that right now. And then there is a fourth, barely mentionable, almost laughable, I am trying to get a date. I am a mess.

I've spent many lunches and dinners reading Kauffman's Reinventing the Sacred. Have you read this one? It feels like a swansong of his, he's collecting the strands of his research to knit together a very strong thesis, that the creativity in the biosphere is not only lawless, but inspires enough wonder to be God enough for a new generation of scientists.